One reviewer was disappointed this children's book didn't come with a spoiler warning: "There is no mystery. There is no twist. Baby's belly button is right where it's suppose to be, on Baby's stomach. Right where it clearly SHOWS you it is on the COVER OF THE BOOK."
One reviewer claims to have purchased this 27-pound gummy snake for a diabetic 6-year-old nephew. "[T]he little s*** hasn't called to thank me yet," the reviewer complains. "My sister did call a few weeks ago but I couldn't tell what she was saying because she was crying so much."
One reviewer complains about the limitations of this purported UFO detecting device: "It didn't give me any warning at all. The range is extremely limited. Only later did I see the disclaimer: 'For best results, hold directly under saucer.'"
Forget Halloween. According to one reviewer, this mask is best used to keep kids in line. "I wear this mask to sing lullabies to my children. They are terrified of the mask. Whenever they protest about their bedtime, or ask for too many sweets, I whip on the mask, and they soon know who is King Penguin."
"I feel so protected knowing that Nicholas [sic] is in bed with me," a satisfied Amazon customer writes of this very-special pillowcase. " ... He cradles my head so softly; I used to be afraid of the dark... Not anymore."
Why would anyone want a 4-foot-tall photo of a senior using an asthma inhaler? One reviewer explains: "Put it up right next to my framed oil painting of an old man measuring his pills into a daily dispenser. Looks amazing!"
The top-rated review for this now-discontinued toy has been hilariously redacted: "██ █ ████ everything ███ █████ is █████ ████ ████ fine ████ ███ █ ██████ love. █████ ███████ ███ your █████ ████ government."
Writes one reviewer of this now-famous tee: "Once I apply the magical wolves fabric to my chest, my mullet grew like Odin's beard, my rusted T-top Firebird turned sweet candy apple red and my White Snake tape started playing its body moving melodies once again. God life is good!"
In a two-star assessment of the toy, actor George Takei plays along with the gag. "I'd been hoping for that zestier kick that comes from the rump cuts of other mythical and fantastical creatures, such as griffins or centaurs ...," Takei writes.
This one-star review delivers 60 ways to dispose of the 2017 animated film. Our favorite is No. 45: "Place it on the train track and give the train conductor a thumbs up as he runs it over with his train."
"Although I am [a] female with average sized hands [sic] I find it extremely difficult to play this game," goes a one-star review of this now-rare board game. "It was obviously sized for tiny-man-hands [sic]."
These sugar-free gummies have become notorious on Amazon for allegedly causing severe stomach cramps. "I am sending a bag of these to every member of Congress to show my deepest gratitude," jokes one reviewer.